Self-inflicted woe

Yet if you devote your heart to him
and stretch out your hands to him,
If you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
Job 11:13-16

Isolation can do things to the mind. Though until yesterday I was blessed to have the company of a close friend, I've felt my mind and soul aching--asking me to search within myself. I attempt to analyze every so often the course of my life: who I am, who've I been recently, my struggles, my sins, my weaknesses, and my relationships. Through all of this, I attempt to gain some insight as to the direction my life will head if I continue on my present heading.

Regarding the passage above: I've been reading Job the past few days and have been struck with the applications I've been able to draw. It took a great deal of misfortune to finally crack Job and for him to assume the role of the undeserving victim. God strips Job completely bare. Though incredulous to the words of criticism offered by his three friends, I began to wonder if our own wayward and misguided mindsets are often the source of our woe. It's easy to recoil in the face of strife and assume the role of the victim, but I believe God tries to communicate the areas in our life needing correction through the unfortunate patterns that develop in our lives. How much more beneficial to seek God and to improve oneself than to lament our pain?

I realize now that I've been quite a fool insofar as I've been on a quest for comfort. Not only have I been on the quest for comfort, but I've sought comfort and validation through other people and things--not God. I wrote in a previous post how we all seem to believe that if we just had that one thing that seems to elude us, we'd somehow be okay and happy. For the longest time, in my own life, that has been a relationship. The outcome of my pursuit seems now fairly predictable: lots of pain received and dished out, innumerable misunderstandings, regrets, and (most unfortunately, perhaps) friendships severed. I think sometimes we have to be corrected harshly before we can resolve to make changes in our lives. In Job 5:17-18, Eliphaz offers the following words to his beleaguered friend:

Blessed is the man whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal.

Sometimes we receive a gut-check from above. As somewhat of a side-note, let me say that it's incredible the amount of clarity and peace can be received through simply reading the Bible. I didn't find it coincidental that I found my way to the book of Job when I finally realized I needed to actually seek God. Seeking God is the crux of the matter. All this time I've bemoaned my own misfortune, I wonder how earnestly I've sought God instead of comfort and happiness. Not surprisingly, I was reminded of the following quote: "If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth--only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair." --C.S. Lewis.

Though it's difficult, I consider myself blessed for the correction I've received. I wish to stand firm, to lift my face without shame, and to forget my troubles as water that has passed under the bridge. Thankfully, God has yet to give up on me. I hope you'll take heart that He hasn't given up on you, either.