Back to the Barrens

I realize it's been a while since The Soothsayre has publicly posted sooth. I futher realize that this is unacceptable to several of you. This is indeed a negligence of my role in life. Ergo, I humbly comply to the demands of the masses (the handful/the elect):

I'm back in Abilene. Excited? Ummm....

PLACES MORE SCENIC THAN ABILENE, TX.:

#1 Mordor, Middle Earth

"One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." --Boromir of Gondor

#2 Mos Eisley Spaceport, Tatooine

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious." --Obi-Wan Kenobi

#3 Dante's Inferno, Hades

It's hell, folks.

#4 Kansas State University, Manhattan KS

...Okay, that's way too far. My most sincere apologies, Mighty Armpit of the Lonestar State.

More to come soon...

Fear my hunter!

Writing Center work isn't without its occasional amusements.

On Tuesday, I had a walk-up client working under time constraint. Normally, it's rather irritating when someone drops in and says something to the effect of, "This is due in 20 minutes, but I just wanted to have someone read it over real quick." His paper wasn't long, though, and I was of a decent disposition. The following is a pretty accurate rendering of the session's dialogue.

Client: I'm one of those guys that can wait until the last minute to write a huge paper and still get an A.

Me (filling out preliminary paperwork): That's good.

Client: I've just read A LOT. And I have a very strong grasp of how a sentence should sound. I don't think you'll find a whole lot wrong with (my paper).

(My peripheral vision catches one of my fellow tutors turn her head to my table)

Me: Well, that typically comes in handy.

Client: I really don't write much though. It's not my idea of a good time. I have a level 70 character on World of Warcraft. (Stretching & leaning back in his chair) Fear my hunter!

(At this point, I'm having to summon every ounce of restraint I've accumulated in my 23 years. Don't laugh at him, Brandon)

I'm struggling to find something to say in response, so I start reading his paper...half-expecting to encounter prose that sings.

Me: Okay, this sentence ends in a preposition.

Dumbledore, we hardly knew ye....but evidently Gellert Grindelwald knew ye

It's 1:00, Saturday morning. I'm climbing into bed. Phone rings. I choose to ignore it.

Phone rings again. Fearing an emergency, I pick it up.

Ryan: Hey man. What are you doing?

Me: Sleeping.

Ryan: Don't tell me Abilene is so boring that you're already in bed at 1:00.

Me: Actually, it is.

Ryan has some bad literary news for me, which is "worth getting out of bed for." He instructs me to hasten to my laptop and pull up Yahoo. I drowsily comply. "Read the first story."

Rowling outs one of her characters

And there it is. Dumbledore. Gay.

I field yet another late night call about 10 minutes later. The Christian-Rowling-reading world is in disarray. For some reason, I'm not losing sleep over the matter, but I have a question or two. Help me, folks. I want some thoughts.

Why feel the need to offer such an arguably shocking statement? Certainly attention and money can be ruled out, right? I mean, you're the wealthiest woman in your whole freaking country, and I'm sure you're never lacking in fanmail or interview requests.

Why do we all need to know Dumbledore's sexual orientation? What bearing has it on the story? If she wished us to know of his preference, why not make it slightly more overt in the text?

What happens to the text when the author adds commentary like this? Is it a bit controlling of Rowling to make sure we know what she intended with Dumbledore's character?

I'm not really even concerned with the moral debate of sexual orientation here.

Paul, Kristina, I'd be interested in your thoughts on the matter if you're reading this.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (graduate school ed.)

The Good:

My tutoring job is going well, and I get to wear this cool lanyard around my neck that has my mugshot attached to it--Brandon Sayre: WRITING CENTER.

I've mastered Hamburger Helper.

The cricket infestation seems to have lapsed with the changing of the season.

My apartment no longer resembles a kennel.

My life is not a Dawson's Creek episode.

Stephen Colbert's book, I am America (And so can you!)

Dr. Rankin's explanations of colloquialisms during class: "I think it has something to do with mothers and copulating..."

The Bad:

There's an Air Force base a few miles from my apartment, so I occasionally wake up under the impression that Abilene is under siege. Still, it's preferable to the fresh small of dog food in the morning, compliments of the Purina plant located a mile or so from OC.

I eat Hamburger Helper.

I can't sleep.

I don't live in Lawrence during our greatest football season since the Glen Mason era.

The fact that Abilene makes Edmond seem a veritable paradise by comparison.

The Ugly:

I live in West Texas. The desolation has yet to endear itself to me.

Learning the price of air conditioning...the hard way.

Texas state pride: "What starts here changes the world."

Euphoria, meet Early Tuesday morning

I awoke at dawn this morning and, despite my greatest efforts, could not recommence my brief slumber. Fearing that I've become my mother (who considers sleeping till 6, sleeping in), I decided to put the kettle on and go about my day.

Sometime whilst the Starbucks Italian Roast brewed, it hit me.

10/16/07 J.E.W. Chase This Light.

After trudging through some 50 pages of writing center pedagogy and theory (and downing two cups of Italian Roast) I dressed and hopped in the Jeep.

Mission: favorite band's latest release retrieval. Initiate retrieval operation! POST HASTE!

I bore the rather dense fog, fully prepared to risk life and limb, en route to Walmart. I made a beeline to the electronics section and there it was, resting on its commerical throne. Only $13.98!!! They roll those prices back, in case you haven't seen the commercials. I would have happily forked over a fifty. God bless you, Wally World.

This is a good day, methinks.

Query:

What's the probability that Sunday evening church services were established to enable men to devote their morning/afternoon to football? (And then, as an afterthought, punch their cards at evening assembly)

On a related note, a man in my class this morning brought a newly purchased Sooner gnome to church. I remember when I brought toys to church, too. I was 5.

My Dubious Dudeness

Preface: The following conversation occurred today at Rosa's, where my classmates and I convinced Dr. Rankin to hold today's class. I was wearing a blue Kansas shirt and red KU basketball shorts, which evidently matched rather well.

Heather: I saw you walking earlier today and noticed how well your clothes matched. Pretty rare for a dude!

Sarah: I don't know if I'd say Brandon is really a "dude."

Dr. Rankin (returning from refilling his beverage): What are we talking about?

Me: My dubious dudeness.

Dr. Rankin: I think you're totally a dude.

Robyn: I think your vocabulary disqualifies you.

Me: I think I'm okay with this.